Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Online Dating do's and dont's
Since I've been single for the past three years I've gained some experience in the dating scene. As many of you know, I was divorced in 2011 and have had to pick myself up by the bootstraps and basically start all over again. As I slowly gravitated towards my single friends, many shared with me that they have tried the online dating scene, the most famous of the sites being POF (Plenty of Fish). I joined the online dating scene in 2013 and have had my share of experiences. I would like to share some insight into this world to those of you also contemplating doing the same thing. It's been quite the experience. I've learned this past year that there are some things you just don't do. And some that you must do so here goes:
1. Do meet the person at a public place.
Remember you don't know this person and having them pick you up on a first date could be a recipe for disaster. They might just grow smitten with you and can turn into a stalker showing up unannounced. To avoid this, don't give them your address until after the first few dates so you can see if you even hit it off with the guy.
2. Do tell a friend where you are meeting this person.
Always tell a friend or family member where you intend to meet this person as a precaution. You should also give them the person's name and number in case of an emergency. You might think that's too much but you should obviously do it for safety reasons. You don't know the person and someone should know where they can reach you. The second reason you should do this is because you want to share the experience with a trusted friend. It's always great to gain feedback about your date and then you will see if you want to see the person again.
3. Do carry protection.
I cannot stress this enough. Always be prepared. I had a friend recently tell me that she ended up going to bed with a guy on a first date even though those weren't her intentions. He wasn't prepared either and didn't have protection. He asked her if she was on birth control (which she wasn't) and then proceeded to have sex with her anyway. I was so upset with my friend when she told me this story. There were red flags everywhere!!! You should never sleep with a guy who doesn't carry protection. It's just not safe especially when you sleep together on a first date. How do you know he isn't doing this with other women as well? We have to be smart about this. You should always use protection to protect yourself from pregnancy and especially STD's. It's just not safe out there. The best way to do this is not just to depend on the guy, but take the initiative and carry protection yourself. I always carry protection just in case things move too fast.
1. Don't expect to fall in love on the first date.
You met this guy online, therefore, chances are that he is dating several women at the same time just trying to see what attracts him. Many times, he just wants to casually date and will not mention this on his online profile. Don't let yourself fall victim to the trap that he's only into you. Give him a run for his money and let him put in the work. Go on a few dates with him and let him pay. If he really likes you, he will invest some time and money.
2. Don't expect your date to pay for the date.
Try to choose a location such as coffee or drinks as a first date. The man should always be expected to pay but sometimes they pull the unexpected and either get there late or buy their coffee before you even arrive. This shady behavior should be a red flag not to go out with him again however you should be prepared just in case you need to whip out some cash.
3. Don't expect to hear from him again.
A lot of times men just want to test the water and see what's out there. They may buy you a drink or dinner and make eye contact with you. They might even suggest a future outing location. You can feel the chemistry between the two of you and you may think you hit it off. Then the unexpected happens, you never hear from him again. Don't let that discourage you from dating other men. You may feel rejected but it's quite normal for men to just stop calling. They may have cordially behaved and acted like they were interested, however some men are looking for something you just can't offer them. For example, some men are only interested in having sex and if you don't come across that way, then they will stop calling you. That's perfectly fine. If you want something serious, then you don't need to spend any more time on this jerk. Other times, they might have just not felt the same chemistry with you and that's okay. Men are not vocal like we are and they simply just stop calling. It's quite common unfortunately but don't let that deter you from the dating scene.
I hope these suggestions help you in the online dating scene. It can be very fun to meet new people, however take these precautions and you should have a much better dating experience.